Autumn Leaves………….me feeling……..

I used to hate Autumn.  But this year, I have decided to embrace it!  Everyone’s posts on social media about how it’s their favourite time of the year used to make me growl and i’d feel bah humbug as to why they felt this way and I didn’t.

So, I decided to address why I felt this way, change my views and outlook, and put my positive pants on (thermal of course!)

I think my dislike for the season of change is exactly that…. change.  As a child, I didn’t like change;  which is quite bizarre for someone who got bored so easily.  Autumn spelled the end of the long hot summers (as I recall) and brought with it dark nights.  I also associated it with death – something else I was petrified of.  This was probably linked to awful asthma attacks as a child where you really did think you were breathing your last.  The dying leaves, the bare trees just filled me with dread and a feeling linked to death.

Living on a farm, everything became wet and muddy at this time of year and you knew it was here for the several months ahead.  Having horses meant it was cold and dark in the mornings and the evenings when you were mucking out stables and the mud would be endless.  The stubborn nags would also run you ragged around a sludge filled field as stair rods of rain would beat down on you whilst you tried in vain to entice them into the cosy stable of straw which you had prepared for them!  If they had a middle finger, it would most certainly have been shown to me by them!

I definitely think I suffered from some kind of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  The feeling of dark nights would be like a thud to the bottom of my stomach and I would wish the night away til the daylight returned after I had been asleep.  It didn’t affect me so much at University, (probably due to alcohol!) but it was still there lurking in the back ground.

After my first job following University, I decided to go and do a ski season in Austria.  The SAD disappeared!!! For the next 6 years I had the most amazing time living and working around the world.  Autumn wasn’t there to ‘get’ me!

Returning to the UK to ‘settle down,’ temporarily brought the Autumn blues, but once I became a Mummy (twice within 18 months), I was too busy with the ‘Witching hour’ to notice that it had even got dark!  I was just working towards 7pm when they would be in bed and I could relax!

I think another barrier up at Autumn was another childhood memory (obviously still playing havoc with my sub conscious!) and that involved walking along kicking up those gorgeous autumn leaves – which I actually felt a loss for the poor trees as they stood there bare and looking dead! 

Those gorgeous crispy (or damp) leaves look romantic, but what is lurking beneath?…….DOG POO thats what!!!  Yes, I recall walking home from school (well, to the car from school as we lived flipping miles away!) and my lovely deep burgundy ankle boots (which I can still remember how they felt on my feet!) still had a clump of leaves stuck to them…….cemented in place with a turd left by someones furry friend!!  I now find myself saying “kids don’t kick those leaves up, there might be dog poo hiding”!!  Then I feel awful for embedding my fears into them and disallowing this childhood rite of passage.

SO, I have changed my perception and I am thus far embracing Autumn and seeing it for the glorious season it is.  I am grateful for the amazing sunshine filled long summer which we were blessed with and seeing the ‘English Fall’ as a link to get us through to Spring.  Winter is filled with Christmas and once the new year comes, it’s time to think of new life and Spring.  I also love snow so I spend all winter hoping some will fall and I can imagine I’m back in the ski resorts as I wear my ski pants.

The gorgeous Thoresby Park and grand Thoresby Hall which are right on our doorstep.A perfect dog walk in lovely warm Autumnal conditions; perfect countryside with stunning views and woodland.  We are very blessed with such natural beauty around us

Yesterday I took to the woodland of gorgeous Thoresby park along with my friends and their fur babies, and I enjoyed kicking up leaves in my wellies without even thinking about sniper dog poos hiding in there!!  I admired the array of vibrant red, orange, yellow and brown tones which blanketed the treelines and hedgerows and saw it for what it is, natural beauty and just the circle of life and the changing of the season that it is.

Today, I channelled my inner Autumn and went a slight shade of dark chestnut at the hairdressers!!  Im not very adventurous when it comes to my hair (like I said, I don’t like change lol!!) so for me, this was a big thing.  Today is also a gloriously sunny day, and being a sunshine girl, my mood is instantly lifted by the big yellow ball in the sky.

Who doesn’t love the sun on their face?!

So its goodbye from Me, and my NBF (New Best Friend – for those not down with the kids!!) Autumn,

Big Love

Karen xx

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